A Love Letter To My Husband!

Happy Valentine's Day

Dear Tony,

Thank you for treating everyday like Valentine's Day. Thank you for loving me through the good and the bad, the happy and the sad. You have taught me so much by the way you have stood back and allowed me to grow by letting me go. I thank you for the times when you could have said something but chose to say nothing. I thank you for the times you spoke up when I had lost my voice, and for stepping in and leading the way when I lost my step. Thank you for putting God first in your life and me second; you are an amazing man of God. Thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts, feelings and ideas and thank you for not trying to fix me, change me or belittle me. Thank you for teaching me to live in the moment and showing me how to slow down. Thank you for celebrating our marriage in all the little things you do. Thank you for the way you look at me when I am in bed at the end of a hard long day, the way you pause and then tell me how beautiful I am. Thank you for holding my hand in public and laughing out loud with me. Thank you for getting to know me better then I know myself. Thank you for teaching me to hear God's still quiet voice. And most of all, Thank you for never ever giving up on me even when I gave up on myself. You are a gift from God and I love being married to you. Happy Valentine's Day to the greatest husband on earth. I love you to the sky and back.

Your Best Friend
Cristina

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence.”

Matthew 23:25 (New International Version)


Blisters began to form around my heels, my hips began to ache and my knees started to throb. What could be causing me such discomfort and pain? I was running at the usual time, through the usual course, wearing the usual shoes, yet all of a sudden I found myself hurting physically and I couldn't’t figure out why. I looked down at my shoes to see if they might be the cause, maybe something in the way, maybe I tied them to tight or not tight enough but everything looked just fine and I finished my run. When I got home I sat on my porch, put my feet up on the chair and starred once again at my shoes.

I was actually rather impressed with the condition they were in, considering I had bought them last summer and have been running in them since. They didn't’t look to dirty, due to the fact that I would wipe them down now and then and also that I ran mostly on the street, not much dirt found there. Not thinking much about it, I took them off and placed them back in my closet. I was determined to figure out the cause of all the pain, since it didn't’t seem to come from the shoe, I thought maybe I was dealing with arthritis, a pulled muscle or just getting older. I started looking up information on the internet, asking questions from other runners and formulating my own diagnosis. I was becoming good at research and believed I found an answer to my pain.

Then one day, not to long after the pain had started and the self-diagnosis had been made and after I had just returned from another painful run, I found myself starring into the inside of my shoes. I could not believe what I was looking at, the answer to my pain was looking right back at me and it was not something I could see from the outside of my shoe. First of all, all the material behind my heel that was suppose to protect my skin was gone and there were these tiny plastic pieces sticking out, nothing major, pretty small, so small I couldn't’t really feel them when I ran but they did a number on both my heels. I continued to inspect the inside the shoe, I found that I had worn out my arch supports completely, I was down to the inner soul of the shoe which would explain the hip pain as well as other aches such as my knees throbbing. This seemed so simple, how did I let this get by and then it dawned on me. I was fooled into thinking that my shoes were in good shape based on the appearance from the outside. This experience felt all to familiar and brought with it a flood of memories to my mind.

As I looked into the inside of my shoes, the memories of my past came flooding to my thoughts. I never looked inside myself in the days of my dysfunction but rather outside to determine if I was in good shape. If I felt pain, discomfort, or out of sorts, I would search outside of myself to figure out what it might be? Kind of like what I was doing with the shoes. Because I kept my physical appearance in good condition I truly believed all was well within.

Until one day, the symptoms of my soul were just too much for me to deny any longer. I could not find relief, comfort or answers in my appearance or in anyone or anything outside of myself any longer. Like looking into my shoes and finding the worn out, tattered torn souls, it was the same experience the day I decided to look inside of myself and stop blaming what was on the outside for all the pain.

I came to realize that the only person I was truly angry with, the only person that I could change was me. The lack of forgiveness in my soul was what was causing me so much discomfort and pain; it wasn't’t what was on the outside but rather what I carried deep within that caused me to walk with a spiritual limp most of my life. How am I able to replace my worn out soul? How am I able to walk without that spiritual limp today?

Psalms 139:23-24 “Search me, O God, and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”

That is how I replace the worn out souls of my heart, by searching with in and asking God to show me so that I can seek forgiveness and step into a new set of shoes so that I can run the race set before me.

Happy New Year!

Part 2

"It is not so much our friends' help that helps us as the confident knowledge that they will help us."
Epicures (Greek Philosopher)

Wow, I can't believe how long it has taken me to get to part two, I guess I had some more learning to do in regards to this quote. At this very moment I am sitting in my mother's house, over looking the great pacific ocean waiting to hear the day start, other wise known as the sunrise.

Sat. I drove back to Southern CA. with my mother after the holiday's, to start preparing her for the move she will be making in the near future.

Just yesterday I was able to share the above quote with a good friend of mine who had called me back after I had left her a message asking for a little moral support.


My friend started the conversation with an apology for not calling me back, that is when I was able to share with her this beautiful quote."It is not so much our friends' help that helps us as the confident knowledge that they will help us." I told her it was more about the fact that I had someone to call then actually needing to talk to someone.

In the process of going through the boxes of my mom's life, my deceased father as well as my deceased grandmother, I thought for a brief moment I was going to be swallowed up by the grief that came flooding my way.

I knew better then to try to stuff my feelings, ignore my emotions or even talk myself out of them. So, I did what I tell others to do who are struggling, I picked up the phone and called a friend.

The burden of the boxes were lifted, the grief didn't seem to bite so much and I was able to continue on being the hands and feet my mother needed to complete this task.

I am looking forward to sharing more about the burden of the boxes with you in the next blog.

I am learning what it really means to carry each other's burdens and it is well worth it. Thank you all who have loved me and supported me through out the last year. 2009 Here we come.

Hope your New Year is going well, live, laugh and love like there is no tomorrow!!!!!

Happy New Year!

Part 1

"It is not so much our friends' help the helps us as the confident knowledge that they will help us."
Epicures

Breaking down the walls!

I recently had the opportunity to be the guest speaker of a monthly celebration meeting for a local women’s recovery center. The women who I had been asked to share with were not your typical pastor’s wives gone bad drug addicts. Most of these women came from the streets, ex gang members, convicts and dealers were more like it. The majority of these women had been court ordered into the program because of the severity of their addiction, which almost cost them and their children their lives.

It’s one thing to choose to enter into a program but when one is forced by law to give up something that one deemed necessary to survive brings with it walls that are thick, high, and hard to break through. As I sat in the room amongst the ladies listening to them share their dates of entry into the program and the dates they gave up their addiction, from days to months, I prayed for the Lord to give me an opportunity to break down the walls and connect with these women immediately.

Right away it came to me, thank you God for answered prayers! As they introduced me, I walked up, greeted them with a smile and informed them that I had just returned home from prison five days ago. I then stayed silent for what seemed like an eternity to let it settle into those, who had, without words questioned my credibility, I saw it in many of their faces as they looked me over when I stepped up to the podium.

In my silence I could hear the walls coming down and feel the tension in the room come to a rest. The connection was instantaneous and I just entered into my role as a participant in their story that day as I shared how I ended up in prison myself. OK, mine was not court ordered and I choose when and where I go but I had just been in prison and that was all they needed to know at that moment to bring them to a place of trusting and connecting with me.

I spent the next thirty minutes sharing about my past and how God had turned it into a present. I shared the process of walking through the discovery of excuses, to explanations to purposeful living based on a past that use to hold me captive.

Though these women were from the streets and I was from the pew the one thing we so desperately had in common was our brokenness, by the time I left there I had once again witnessed the most precious, beautiful broken women in places where most people never look.

We are in this together!

Christmas card outreach for woman intmates....................................................................................

There is know doubt in my mind that the Lord has given me the most amazing group of friends. When I called out for help, an answer was received, not by one or two and not just from inside my own town, all over this nation fellow friends stepped up to the plate and said yes to helping make sure fellow sisters in Christ who are behind bars are not forgotten. There are those who joined us last night in filling out cards, greetings and praying. There are those who couldn't join me but dropped of stamps and cards and envelopes to boot. It has been an amazing out pour of love and willingness like I have never seen before. I am so thankful for all who have chosen to say yes when so many say no.

All who could not be there last night but responded with prayer and encouragment, thank you, it was felt. We have to continue to let those behind bars know that they are not left behind and that even though they may be locked up there is away to be free.

Please continue to pray for those sisters behind bars and their children left with out a mother at home. If you are interested in anyway shape or form in volunteering with the ministry, just send me a note, we have many opportunities for service.

I pray you all have an incredible day and I will keep you posted on the race...

Love
Cris

My Mission Statement/Purpose

My life purpose is to intentionally bring God pleasure in all areas of my life, first through my thoughts and then my actions. Next, to use my life experiences to serve him through the body of believers. I will dedicate my life to embracing, spreading and teaching the word of God to others, while focusing on reaching out to my community and beyond being a character witness for Jesus Christ, reaching out to the hurt and lost of our world. While remembering to stay connected to other believers, just as iron sharpens iron my faith will grow as I am sharing it with other believer and allowing them to share their faith with me.