Living In The Why

So it wasn't the sea of Galilee but it was the American River. What is it about water that brings our soul to a place of peace and inner rest? What is it about water that makes us feel alive and well, strong and courageous and able to open up and share things we typically would no share in the hustle and bustle of our busy day on land away from the flow?


Yesterday I was suppose to be in Israel and though I did not make it to the Promise land I did experience the Promise Land in and around me as I stood at the waters edge contemplating life and the call with a friend and fellow sojourner. It was an experience that came out of a volcanic eruption that caused a sudden disruption in our travel plans.

I am finding though, that the truest of all ministry happens right in the middle of all the disruptions. I am finding that this kind of ministry can only be seen through a special kind of lens and the stillness of ones soul. As a result, instead of standing at the Sea of Galilee contemplating the fact that I was going to get to walk where Jesus walked, I was now Resting on the River in America contemplating why Jesus walked where he walked.

As much as I wanted the where to be there, it is the why that changes lives. Was not the original Promise land all about changed lives? Was not the original Promise land all about being set free? Free to be you, free to be me? Because of the cross the Promise land is now with in reach, it is not an actual place we have to travel to, of course unless you are looking for a history lesson.

Jesus put it wonderfully in the book of John when he said to a broke lonely woman that the time had come that where you go to worship will not matter but that you will worship in spirit and in truth. As I stood by the river bank yesterday I felt like I understood that statement even more, drinking in the moment, getting more familiar with the friendship and feeling free to be me.

Therefore, whether I am standing at the Sea of Galilee or roaming the American river I will always remember that the Promise land lives with in me. I am looking forward to one-day getting to step in the places my Jesus stepped but for this moment I will be glad to just live in the why of where he stepped.

The truth is that God is all about reconciling people first to himself and then to each other, that is what the why in Jesus’ footsteps were all about, standing in the why, living in the why and building relationships in the why, makes the journey to the Promise land one of the greatest adventures in my life.

Living in the moment, trusting God with our future! If someone would have told me last week that I would be posting pictures of our family and friends gathering around my mother smiling along with her, I would not have believed it myself. However, since I am the one posting and since I am also one in the pictures as well, I am here to say once again that God shows up best right in the middle of my struggle and He shows up best right in the middle of my weakness.


It was less then two weeks ago when I had to call 911 because I thought we were going to loose my mom, she ended up in the hospital for a total of 7 days and upon release we had to have her placed in a rehabilitation facility. This is where the pictures are taken, just today as we gathered around for games and laughter with the family and our nearest and dearest friends, Steve and Donna.


I have been leaning on my faith and trusting in the fact that my past has God’s hand prints written all over it with it stating loud and clear, He works all things out, all! Therefore, as I have walked through some of the hardest conversations I have ever had in my life, I had to trust on what I knew rather then what I was feeling.

Today I celebrate the fact that our Hope is not found in things of this world but rather things not of this world. The smiles in the pictures are genuine and true and we are continuing to pray for mom’s speedy recover and so grateful to have her recovering so well.

Close your eyes and make a wish!

Close your eyes and make a wish, we all know the routine. It is hard for me to believe that I celebrated my 41st birthday today. I remember when I was younger being told that time would go by faster as I got older but this is crazy. It seems like only yesterday when I was sitting down in this exact spot, propped up in my big blue chair, computer in my lap ending my day and making fun of what other’s referred to as the big one, and wondering what 40 was really suppose to feel like.

Here I am a year later and a year older. I hope I can say a year wiser as well. I am coming to the end of a season in my life and preparing to enter into a new one. So, how did I celebrate this special day? How did I bring in my new year? How did I make the most of the one day I can call my own?

I wish I could say I spent it celebrating but the truth was I spent most of it preparing. It is only now, as I sit by myself at the end of this day that I can truly celebrate the woman I have become and reflect on the woman I use to be. I rejoice in the work my God has done and I have a little celebration right her with just me, myself and I.

There once was a time in my life where I would have wanted to actually throw myself a pity party and invite everyone who I could think of to attend. There was a time where my expectations were high for the experiences I had promoted only to come to the end of them in complete disappointment. Birthdays always seemed to be such a let down when I was younger.

However, I have learned over the years that celebrating my birthday cannot be all about me that kind of thinking always left me empty and disappointed. It cannot be all about who I am, but rather who I am with and why I am with them. Today was just that, who I was with actually said a lot about who I had become and that in turn became the most important part about my day.

This birthday was like no other birthday I had ever experienced. I had to do what was right even though my heart was breaking. I had to make a decision that would change the life of a loved one and that of my household. With my best foot forward and my faith in front of me, I moved forward in my decision.

Today I came to the very end of myself and once again found the beginning of my creator, the one who promises to show up best in my weakness. Something to celebrate in itself, He is right in the middle of my “no”. The best gift I received today was the gift that comes with being down the road of brokenness before and knowing that I will not be left alone, forsaken or forgotten even when I feel as if I already had.

As I prepare to shut down my communication companion and settle into the rest of my night, I briefly pause to celebrate what this last year has brought and what the next year will bring. I will forever remember how God chose this time and this place to rebuild and recover what had been lost for so long. I will celebrate the fact that I am able to do what is right even when it feels wrong, that I am able to make “no” a complete sentence and that I can and will trust God with my future while living in the very moment He has given me.

Happy Birthday To Me!

Thank you all for your prayers through this process, the power of the Pez and the decision to be fully naked while still wearing clothes has produced this beautiful book. I had the honor and privilege of being part of the process of the book as well as allowing my story to be told. Loving this race! Tears of healing continue to flow from deep inside as I see my story in black and white. Thank you sister Pez!!!! Yes, trains, planes and automobiles!!!!!! I will never forget our first visit under the fig tree, who would have known.

As I reflect back on the last six years a few things come to mind. First, I am so grateful for the struggle, I am grateful for those who did not try to rescue me, fix me or prevent me from feeling the fear that came with a changed life. Second, if I could have seen into the future back then, I would have probably passed on this whole recovery thing.

Back in my early days of being set free I was searching for pure comfort anything that could feel a tad familiar, something that would make me feel safe. I then came to a point where I understood that true growth, true repentance and the Promise Land only came with change, ouch!

With both feet forward and an eye on those ahead of me, I said yes. With fear and trepidation I followed my faith more then my feelings. With my trust in the great I Am I said yes to the call of allowing myself to be poured out as an offering.

Yesterday with book in hand, I sat on my front porch crying over my story as I saw it come to life through the pages of the book. I could not stop crying, my heart was overwhelmed to see it there in front of me.

What a gift this book will be to those searching to find freedom from their Egypt, experience from their Wilderness and Purpose in their Promise Land. Once again, I have to say thank you to my dear friend Deanna for running her race well, for inviting others along into the journey and for never turning back.

I can't wait for the next leg of the race.

Cris Nole
"Pastor Pez"

"Say Cheese!"

“Say cheese!” Those were the words that ran through my head as my family informed me of the very innocent but toxic mistake I made just a few nights ago as they sat down to eat the gourmet dinner I had prepared. From the top of the stairs my husbands voice could be heard through out the house, “your going to love this one” it was in the tone that told me someone did something and it was probably going to be story worthy and blogging kind of material.

I believe I responded with “what did he do now?” which I need to quit doing, my son informed me that I can’t always just blame him for things that mysteriously happen around the house, on the front porch, in the back yard, in the garage, through out the neighborhood, I just need to stop blaming my 12 year old like that, assuming that he is the one causing all the mischief.

Giggles from the top of the stairs floated through the air and straight into the kitchen, my ears were tickled with curiosity, “what could it be?” What was making my family laugh so hard and why were they being so secretive? They all three leaned over the banner of the staircase, peered into the kitchen, making eye contact with me causing me to grin right back at them.

A few moments of silence stood between us when finally, they spoke up, they were laughing and giggling with each other as they proceeded to tell me that I forgot to take off the plastic from the cheese I had used when I made my daughters’ grilled cheese sandwich. I could only imagine what was running through her mind as she tried to bite down into her warm toasty bread only finding it impossible to break through the cheese; I too could not help but grin, giggle and then breakout into laughter.

All of a sudden, things started to make sense as my thoughts went back to a few moments earlier while I was grilling my darling daughters’ sandwich. I had taken the spatula and pressed down on the top of the bread, I could see the cheese and remember thinking to myself, “I wonder why it isn’t oozing out?” but that was as far as my thoughts had gone.

As I snapped out of my thoughts and started too apologized to my daughter, she stopped me in mid-sentence with a “that’s OK mom, there was another piece of cheese on it” apparently that one was released from it’s wrapper before facing its fate. All was well again in the house but I did make a little note to self, grilled cheese sandwiches taste much better when the wrapper is removed.

A merry heart does good, like medicine.

Proverbs 17:22

Big Foot!

Today is the day we celebrate in the Nole household, or at least my 12-year-old son believes we should be and as his mother, I am. Today is the first time since he was a toddler that I had to buy him new shoes not because he wore them out but because he out grew them. This is a big deal to my up and coming teenage son. He wants to be a man so bad but is still such a boy. As he put on his new pair of shoes to shoe me how they looked, all I could think about to myself was “who do these big feet belong to,” what is happening to my little boy?

Of course, he had to call his father and inform him that he was now only four sizes away from being the same shoe size as him. My husband is my son’s hero and I know he dreams of growing up and walking in his fathers’ shoes, I just did not think it would happen this quick.

So, as I prepare to put my computer in hibernate mode and my head on the pillow, I think I will say a prayer of thanksgiving for the newest season in my life. A season of feeling rejected when really I am loved and trusted. A season where it isn’t cool to kiss my son in public, smell the top of his head in front of his friends or ask him about his underwear.

I embrace this season with mixed emotions, I knew the time was coming, I knew that loving him well meant letting him go but I didn’t think I would become so darn sentimental over a growing pair of feet.

Thank you Lord for my man-cub and the next few years I have to love on him, help me to be patient as he learns to find his way into his own.

Good Night My Friends
Vito’s # 1 Fan Him Mom

Prison Populations and Recidivism - Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger

Prison Populations and Recidivism - Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger

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