Have any of you ever given something up, only to take it back again? A good friend of mine brought me a book to read this past Sunday, written by a local Pastor and in it, he spoke of coming to the Lord daily empty handed. As I read those words, I was quickly convinced, put the book down and realized that the heaviness of my day and the weight of the load I had started to feel was from my own doing.
It did not happen over night, it actually has been a very slow process, creeping up on me ever so slowly. I found myself recently frozen in my tracks, unable to move forward in the things that use to mean so much to me and just going through the motions of my everyday life.
I had chalked it up to this time of the year, this season in my life and even an illness I deal with daily. But the truth being told is that I took back my own agenda, schedule and to do lists, I started holding on to them rather tightly over the last several weeks and months, instead of coming to God every morning empty handed, actually handing over what I thought I needed to do trusting that He would lead me.
This morning I made a commitment to myself to do just that. Woke up, took my list of things I had to do and surrendered them all, every one of them. What I came to realize is that when God is leading me, it is relationships first and the rest falls into place. The tasks for me naturally follow, I am fueled by connecting with others, which then gives me the energy to get the tasks done naturally, and they become second nature.
When I hold on to my lists, my schedules, I become task driven, success focused and I loose sight of the most important calling of my life and that is to just wear HIM well. Jesus set the ultimate example of being in the moment and being in relationships, He was never to busy, too tired or too consumed with His to do lists to stop and listen to those in His path.
Today, my goal was not to check off every thing on my list but rather accomplish those things that I felt led to accomplish and be OK with those I did not but amazingly enough, everything got down, something I haven't been able to say in quite sometime.
Between all this I was able to meet a good friend for breakfast, finish most of my Christmas shopping, touch basis with three different ministries, attend a doctors appointment, make dinner, go on a run, spend time with some good friends this afternoon, read a great book, make dinner, clean out my office, prepares to wrap Christmas presents, make a handful of phone calls, set a date with my husband and end the evening reading with the kids and my mom, WOW! All because I came empty handed before the Lord at the beginning of my day.
Friends, I share this with you not to boast but rather to give you hope. Because it is a struggle for me, it is such backwards thinking in our world today. On my own, nothing ever seems to be done, completed or started. Many good ideas are thought about, goals are set and a few things happen but when I trust God, it seems like the impossible happens and I find myself ready to wake up with open arms once again, truly surrendering, not so that I can do but so that I can be.