God is able!

Part 1

What is it about a traumatic event that makes the mind stand still? What is it about trauma that causes the body to want to shut down, hide out and stop living?

Those are just a few of the emotions I have experienced over the last several weeks. Though a physical death was not something I actually experienced my heart felt otherwise.

The spirit of familiarity came knocking on my door and awakened the events of my past, which collided with the experience of the present. Every traumatic event I had ever been through was thrown before me with it bringing the gift of feelings and emotions that seemed to need my breath to stay alive.

The experience of the present that I am referring to was the near death experience I encountered with my son and daughter on April 9, just three weeks ago. I am only now able to sit down and actually write about it with out feeling like the experience owns me.

I have had to learn to be gentle with myself, like I would with anyone else who had walked through such an event. I have had to reach out to others when all I wanted to do was hide. I had to admit to someone else that I had slipped into a pit of depression and could not get out. I had to put my pride aside and allow someone else in so I could get out.

Coming soon.

Hi my friends!

I know many of you have asked me about when I was going to blog about my trip and the near death experience my children and I had. I never knew how much trauma could effect the simple things in life. Getting up, dressed, putting shoes on, making a meal all have seemed almost to heavy for me over the last couple of weeks. Thank God for the power of prayer and the gift of friendship.

I had started to write about the experience immediately after it happened but found myself stuck when I tried to go back to it. I am happy to say that I feel like I can actually touch the experience mentally without feeling like I would be swallowed up by the emotions of it all. Please keep me in your prayers as I finish up writing about how God is able as well as preparing to speak on it as well. Be blessed my friends and thank you all for your prayers and support as I walked through the fire.

The Big One Was The Best One!

As I woke up this morning, I greeted God, the day and myself with happy birthday to me! I did not think I would feel any different today then I did yesterday when I was 39 but I also thought maybe that would change when I actually was staring 40 in the face. I stepped out of bed before the sunrise, worked my way down the stairs, grabbed my favorite green blanket off the couch and snuggled up in my big blue chair. I was preparing myself for one of my favorite events of the day, facing my large living room window; I have the perfect view of the sunrise. I sat in anticipation, as I was ready to witness the dawning of a new day for the first time as a 40 year old. I love how the sky slowly changes as if God was up there using a dimmer switch to start the day. Imagine how horrible it would be if it just suddenly went from dark to light without any time for transition. I am convinced I can actually hear the sunrise and the day take form. From where I sit the shadows, slowing turn into images of large beautiful green trees that have just produced leafs over the last few weeks. The sky takes on an almost pink tint as the clouds hang as pictures in the sky. I was praying that I would get a chance to start my day in such away, since my kids have been home on Easter break I have been spending the mornings cuddling up with them and have missed this time.

After bringing in the day, with the kids still in bed, I quickly changed into my running clothes and went out for a three-mile run. My goal this year is to run six races before 2010 and placing in a certain time. Today I actually dropped my 3-mile time by two minutes, not bad for someone who has hit the big one. There is something so refreshing about starting the day out with an early morning run, the peace and quiet of the day is so inviting.

One of the best parts about the big one was that my husband came home around 10AM from work with fresh tulips and a balloon, not any kind of balloon but a princess one with Disney Characters, it made me feel so young and loved. We gathered the kids and headed out of the area for the afternoon. I decided I wanted to take a drive up into the foothills and share with him my Auburn, the little town I visit on Friday afternoons. My husband is not one for doing such things he would much rather spend his day of just relaxing at home but not this day. With a smile on his face, he agreed to take us up there so off we went. I love sharing this part of my life with people and now I had a chance to share it with my husband. It was a clear day and we could see the foothills all around us as well as the snow on the mountains in the background, another reason I like to go up there, the few is amazing. Twenty minutes into the drive and we arrived. We walked the streets of the little old town, visited a few shops and I was able to introduce my family to one of my favorite shop owners. We bought a few things to take home with us and then we were off to lunch. I had a choice of any place I wanted to go, I thought I would surprise them all and I picked In and Out, something I usually stir clear of but I knew it would be fun and a great treat. The smile on the kid’s faces when I told them what I picked for lunch was worth every calorie I took in.

From lunch, we headed back down the hill and towards home. We quickly ran by the bookstore to exchange a gift and then came home for a short little rest and a quick bike ride. I am sorry to say there was a little accident, Tony took a turn to slow and down he went. His beard covered up the scratches on his chin but his knees and legs looked like a little boys but I am happy to say he did survive the crash and he will be able to continue to ride. We ordered my favorite pizza for dinner and then gathered around the front porch to watch the evening come to an end. Though I do not feel any older, the response to my gifts was a sure sign I have matured. Cement and a Food Processor, yes I scored! It was truly the best birthday I have ever had. The Big One, Was The Best One… Thank you all for the birthday wishes.

I am having a birthday, not an earthquake!

Only 2 ½ hours left until I hit what others refer to as the big one. Many of those who have gone before me speak of turning 40 as if I am about to experience a natural disaster a cataclysmic event and something that I should be prepared for. “The Big One” as if all the other birthdays were less significant or something.

I am having a birthday not an earthquake! I do not need to prepare for a tragedy but rather plan for a celebration. I do not need to seek shelter but rather embrace change. I do not need to count my loss but rather embrace the gain.

As I sat waiting for an appointment today, I reflected back over my childhood and thought about the very thing my mother instilled in all six of her children. One of the many things I have inherited from my mother was the gift of celebration. Looking back over my childhood I never saw my mom complain about the aging process. Instead, another birthday was just one more reason to celebrate. It seemed as if my mother treated every birthday as a gift from God, turning a one-day celebration into a week long event and as she got older a month long festival. Thanks mom!

My birthday preparation will consist of the front porch being transformed into a party hall open to those in the neighborhood, friends and family, with a possibility of the fire pit being pulled out. The change I feel most this coming birthday is in my attitude towards others and myself. Grace has become a theme in my life, and I want to give back what has been given to me. What I have gained far out weighs the things I have lost over the years.

I will write more and let you all know how my day went, it is good to be me, all is well and life is good.