Amyazing Grace...

 

 

 

Do you know what amazes me most about God?  The way God created my brain that is what makes my mouth drop open in awe and wonder.  Did you know that our brains are resilient? They have the ability to be rewired. 

 

There is a saying that where the brain fires it wires.  If the brain is firing negative feedback it will wire negative feedback and the body is known for following the brain, it can be a vicious cycle.  And it had been that way for me for years.  Thus came the inner voice of doubt, discouragement and a disbelief that life could be anything but dreadful.  Rewiring the brain takes time, it is an ever evolving process of changing ones thoughts, patterns and behaviors.  This is an area I have been working on and studying for over the last 11 years.

 

After writing what felt like a silly letter to my inner voice in my last blog and claiming the truth that as I think I become I made a decision.  I decided that on top of making peace with my inner voice I would name her and train her to be my greatest cheerleader.  Funny how that silly feeling actually freed me up. 

 

In  freedom I decided to allow myself to be vulnerable and share with my husband.  I had shared with him my last blog post, so he knew where I was going before I even had to set the stage. I asked him “Do you want to know what I named my inner voice?” He cocked his head sideways as if to say, “Should I be worried?”  I looked at him and chuckled and said, “we all have a thought life, I just happened to give mine a name.”  I could not believe it when he responded with the name I had given her. There are days he looks at me with that cocked head and listens with patients.  Sometimes I think he does not hear a word but today he proved me wrong.  

 

I shared with him that finding a name was not as hard as I thought.  The moment I silenced the inner voice and sat still it came to me like a gift from my past.  I named her “Amy”, short for Amazing Grace.  Also, Amy was the name of all my dolls when I was a little girl.  I had Amy#1, Amy#2, Amy#3, I loved that name so much that even today when I meet an Amy I tell her the story of my dolls. 

 

After naming her I wrote a welcome home letter to her.  It felt a little like I was losing my mind but in reality it was more like finding my voice.  I wrote about how I wanted to listen to what she has to say, how I want my heart to feel like a home instead of a place to hide. 

 

 

 

I believe we are all created to listen to that inner voice given to us by God as a gift.  Today when I think about my gift I hear “Amazing Grace How Sweet the Sound” ever so softly playing in the background of my brain instead of all the rambling and the noise that had taken up residence for most of my life. 

 I have come to realize through naming my thought life  that I want my life to represent a story of a woman who found her voice and used it well.  Where the brain fires it wires.  I have been set free. This is what amazes me about God! 

Thank you for letting me share.

Cris

“As A Woman Thinks She Becomes”

 

The Voice In My Head...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Inner Voice,

Today I am going to treat you like the trusted friend I believe you can be.  To begin with, a trusted friend is one who can handle the truth.  My friend, the truth is there are a few simple tools that will help us stay close instead of feeling like I am standing at the enemy line when you decide to speak.  I have to be honest with you, sometimes I feel like you hate me by the way you speak to me.

 

Here I go, tool NUMBER ONE, a trusted friend is a genuinely polite person.  A trusted friend speaks words of WORTH and VALUE.  I am not asking you to keep quiet, I am open for constructive criticism.  The key to this tool is to ask yourself this question first, “will this add value to her life?”  If not, then please wait until you can answer yes before speaking up.

 

The SECOND TOOL is LISTENING WELL.  I challenge you to turn off and tune into what I am saying and doing, it makes for clearer communication.  Sometimes you ramble a mile a minute and do not let me get a word in otherwise.  Remember, if it were not for me you would have no voice.

 

 

The THIRD TOOL is the ability to ASK GOOD QUESTIONS.  A trusted friend who listens well will be able to ask good questions.  Questions that are pertaining to the conversation and experience at hand.  Nothing says “I hear you,” like a great question.  Please work on this area, when you ask me questions that have nothing to do with the NOW, I feel ignored.

 

Last but not least, a trusted friend will PAUSE ON PURPOSE before moving on to the next part of the conversation or experience.  There is power when we pause.  Understanding happens in the silence.  I challenge us both to be more intentional with the way we practice pausing before speaking up.  

 

Inner voice, until you can start respecting my request I will have to ask you to be silent.  I know you can do this.  I believe we can become the best of friends, we  just need a little coaching. Heck, we have been together our entire life and should have had this talk a long time ago. 

Sincerely Your Closest Friend

Cris

 

P.S.

As a woman thinks she becomes.   I am aware of how true this ancient Proverb is.   I write this letter in tongue and cheek knowing it is an area I can struggle with.  What if we all treated our thoughts as if they were our friends?  Would that not make for an interesting dialogue?

 

Emotional Rope Burn..

 

 

Note to self.  Hold everything loosely, plans, people even my perspective.  If not, there is a possible chance of receiving when not rendering what I call invisible rope burns to my heart.  Eventually my plans, people and my perspective will find a way to break free, when they do, burning occurs. 

 

Rope burn stings and takes time to heal, regardless if it is physical or emotional.  Emotional rope burn only feels like I am dying when in reality it is a reminder that I am human.  Emotional rope burn feels like I am a victim when the truth is it is a reminder that I held on a little too tight and a little to long.

 

What if I was created to ride the wave of change?  Many times I fight what is a natural process.  I hold on until I am about to break myself or what I am holding onto.   Really? Change happens every day, I have said it to my children over the years, “it is the one thing we can count on.” 

 

Yet, I find myself still struggling when it comes to the issues of my heart.  What if just for today I chose to grip, grab and then let go?  What if letting go is actually the key to knowing myself and others well?

 

 

I know these truths nonetheless, human nature is to fall back into old patterns.  I find it helps when I write out what I am struggling with.  It helps when I share with others and find out that I am not alone.  Today I am learning to take the cues my body sends me.  I can feel it in my heart, head and even my hands when I am holding on to tightly to my plans, people and perspective. 

 

Rope burns are never fun and rarely necessary.  Today I am embracing my life motto, “Living in the moment, trusting God with my future.”  I will let go so I can love well. 

 

 

Have a beautiful today my blogging friends.  Thank you for stopping by.

Cris

 

 

Casting Call....

I have always said there is a piñata inside of me just waiting to come out.  Little did I know it would show up as a shoe rather than a party game?  I love color if you haven't already noticed. 

Seven weeks ago I had surgery to have a bone fused and pins put in my big toe so that I could be relieved of the pressure and pain that comes with walking on bone on bone. 

I am down for the count.  I am now in a removable boot that comes off only at night.  I have three more weeks to go and I will be back in my running shoes, both.  Of course not to run yet, that will take time but I will be in my shoes.   You should see the smile on my face as I even type this out.

 

Many lessons learned over the last seven weeks.  Some practical others more spiritual.  On the practical side, wet casts are a no no. I tried my best, however three of my four fiberglass casts were due to the water finding its way through my bag when I showered.  The last time it happened I just sat on the ground and cried.  I thought "really?" I had only one week left and I got it wet.  I thought for sure they were going to kick me out of the hospital and tell me to never come back.  Not the case, they were all nice every time I showed up, they even knew me by name by my fourth cast.

  

On a more spiritual side.  I have had this opportunity to refresh and reflect on some areas of my life that I had not been paying close attention to.  This down time has brought me back to implementing an evening routine of reflecting and writing about my day.  Ending without media and instead using the evening to pray and mediate and challenge myself to what worked and what didn't work for.  This had been a habit I formed over a decade ago and just got out of the practice due to different life events.

 

I am amazed at how peaceful my spirit can feel when I choose to end my day without the noise of email, news or even a movie.  It took me being down to prepare me to be back up to realize how much better off I am for myself and those around me when I take the time to refresh and reflect on my day on a daily basis.  As a person who has struggled in my past with anxiety and depression this is a great tool that helps me keep my life in perspective.

 

I still feel like there is a piñata waiting to come out of me and who knows maybe that is just because I was raised in the 80’s and the need for neon colors to be present in the back ground of my life makes me feel more fulfilled, who knows.

What I do know is that life is like a sweat treat if I am patient and willing to wait, rest and reflect.  Hope you are having an amazing Tuesday my blogging friends and that you find color in a your day.

 

Love
Cris

“Living In the Moment”

Letting Go...

 
Last year around this time my middle daughter sent me this quote.  She is queen of collecting inspirational quotes.  This one has been my favorite so far. 

When I received the text with this quote I breathed a sigh of relief and thought with a smile "she finally gets it."  After 18 years of learning to let go and love her well, she got what I was trying to accomplish. 

 

My baby girl is no longer a baby girl.  I realize she has not been my baby for some time now.  However, in the last few months I have seen a side of her that shines with the maturity of a woman who knows who she is.  The baby girl I once saw is gone, replaced with a woman who knows what she wants. 

Being a parent is one of the most grueling jobs I have ever endured.  My heart feels like it is constantly being pounded out and pressed against.  As my kids grow up into adults, letting go does not get any easier but it does get more important.  I have learned that holding on for too long can actually stunt their growth and choke the life out of them.

 

My children will always be my children but as seasons change so do roles. I have learned to wear a new hat as they each enter new seasons.  High school junior preparing for college.  College student preparing for future and married mom of a two year old toddler.  Different seasons different hats.

“Yes my sweet daughter, I was not trying to get you to love me, but rather I was trying to make you love you.”

 

Have a beautiful today my blogging friends. Thank you for stopping by.  Please feel free to share your journey with me as well.  I would love to hear about what season in your life you are at.  Whether you are married, single, with children, grandchildren, your story matters and it helps me to know I am not alone in the journey. 


Cris
"Living In The Moment"
 

Goodbye Gadgets...

 

Have you ever felt like you were tied to your gadgets and

gizmos?  I have, so I said goodbye to both.  Okay, not for good

but for now.  I have spent the last two weeks challenging

myself to only look at my phone when I chose to make a call or

need to pull up information.  I have placed both my cell phone

and IPad in places where I cannot seen them. 

These last two weeks of detoxing off of devices has freed my mind, body and spirit.  I did not realize how many times a day I reached for my phone even when it wasn’t beeping.  Or, I would plop down in my big blue chair in my office and grab my IPad and just start surfing the web using it as a tool to numb out in the moment instead of just being still when I had a few minutes to spare. 

 

It is not that I am anti gadgets and gizmos.  I just have this love hate relationship with them.  As someone who values time I noticed a pattern of my devices starting to devour my values one second at a time, one look, one glance and the next thing I knew an hour would pass. 

 

I had even gotten in the habit of reading on my devices before bed which made it easy to multitask between a book, email and instant message, no wonder I could not sleep, my brain never shut down.  So I even made a choice to turn off my devices a few hours before bed and only read the good old fashion way, a real book, pages in my hand, ink on the paper kind of reading, the kind that when the sun goes down so do I. 

By being intentional about my gadgets and gizmos, by using them by choice and not habit, I have been able to clear my brain space and make room for white space.  I have been able to enter into my moments with expectations of spontaneous joy.

Until two weeks ago I had not realized how much my eyes were being kept from seeing the gift of the moment because my eyes were on screens and my thoughts were on texts, email and the latest news.

My mind went from feeling like mush to focusing on fabulous moments.  So please do not be offended if you email me or text me and I do not get back to you immediately.  I am not ignoring you, I am pressing into the moment and will check by choice what crosses my brain.

 So, let’s see how the next two weeks goes, they say it takes 21 days to break and make a new habit, I am 14 days in.

Have a beautiful today my blogging friends and thank you for stopping by.

 Cris

“Living in the moment”

A PICTURE SAYS A THOUSANDS WORDS...

A glimpse of what living in the white space, silence and shadow of God looks like.

 I have spent years learning how to limit a to do list.

 Years learning how to fold into the moment.

And yesterday was one of those days where the fruit of my labor became tangible.

My intentions at the start of my day was to allow for my white space to open up for spontaneous moments of joy.

If a picture says a thousand words then two pictures say even more.

 

When the opportunity arose last night to hang out with my daughter, grandson, my son and one of my adopted girls, "yes" came off the tip of my tongue with ease.

It takes hard work to be intentional with how I choose to use my white space.  However, as I post these pictures and think about the joy I experienced with some of the people I care about the most, it makes the work worth it.

Thank you for stopping by.

Have a beautiful today my friends and may you experience spontaneous joy.

 Cris

“Living In The Moment”

SILENCE...

                                       
                           

God is not into the silent treatment.  


However, God can be seen in the silent moments

and shadows of the day.


I will embrace the sacred white space

of my life.


I will be still and know that God is for me

and not against me.


Cris
"Living In The Moment"

                                             

DELIGHT....

 

I choose to believe that this is a good choice.

I choose to delight in the progress of my work not the perfection.

Cris

FOLLOW...

 

 

 

Dear God,

 

Today I will choose to follow my heart.

 

To do what is right.

 

To speak what is good.

 

To live in the now.

 

To embrace the space between how I feel and what I say.

 

Today I WILL FOLLOW MY HEART!



Sincerely,
Cris

BETTER...

Dear God,

Today I choose to:

Live Better

Laugh Better

Love Better

Sincerely
Cris

"Living In The Moment"

 

Created To Be Seen...

While I focused my sight on the word FREEDOM  for the last seven days, I jotted down the
 greatest lesson I learned in the smallest flicker of light in the early mornings of my week.

My tribe, the one I shared about just a few post back, they have given me the FREEDOM
to show up and be me.   Little had I known I had been driven to hold back and hold in the real deal, I would never show up all the way. I was trained to keep parts of me hidden. Holding back was a means of hoping everyone would like me and except me.

The reality  was, the more parts I hid, the more I had started to disappear, dwindling down to nothing.  I felt like a faceless woman preparing to never be seen or heard.

That was until I met three women who have changed the course of my life forever.  These women have become my closest friends, my confidants, sacred soul sisters. They have helped me come out of hiding. They have helped me weed through the practice of playing small. They have encouraged me through their own actions to fully show up, fully be seen,  and fully be heard.

The more I spend time with these three women the more I realized how much I had been missing out in most of my life.  Though I have others outside this tribe, these three have actually taken up residence in my heart. Each one making a permanent imprint on my soul. Each one giving me the FREEDOM to be me 100% me! The good and hard parts, the silly and serious.  Their very presence brings out the best in me.  

My hope, my prayer is that others who have been trained and taught to hold back. Those in this world who are dying from the disease of disappearing will find healing and hope through the story of the four of the most amazing women I know.

Thank you for visiting The Front Porch
Cris