Living In The Why

So it wasn't the sea of Galilee but it was the American River. What is it about water that brings our soul to a place of peace and inner rest? What is it about water that makes us feel alive and well, strong and courageous and able to open up and share things we typically would no share in the hustle and bustle of our busy day on land away from the flow?

Yesterday I was suppose to be in Israel and though I did not make it to the Promise land I did experience the Promise Land in and around me as I stood at the waters edge contemplating life and the call with a friend and fellow sojourner. It was an experience that came out of a volcanic eruption that caused a sudden disruption in our travel plans.

I am finding though, that the truest of all ministry happens right in the middle of all the disruptions. I am finding that this kind of ministry can only be seen through a special kind of lens and the stillness of ones soul. As a result, instead of standing at the Sea of Galilee contemplating the fact that I was going to get to walk where Jesus walked, I was now Resting on the River in America contemplating why Jesus walked where he walked.

As much as I wanted the where to be there, it is the why that changes lives. Was not the original Promise land all about changed lives? Was not the original Promise land all about being set free? Free to be you, free to be me? Because of the cross the Promise land is now with in reach, it is not an actual place we have to travel to, of course unless you are looking for a history lesson.

Jesus put it wonderfully in the book of John when he said to a broke lonely woman that the time had come that where you go to worship will not matter but that you will worship in spirit and in truth. As I stood by the river bank yesterday I felt like I understood that statement even more, drinking in the moment, getting more familiar with the friendship and feeling free to be me.

Therefore, whether I am standing at the Sea of Galilee or roaming the American river I will always remember that the Promise land lives with in me. I am looking forward to one-day getting to step in the places my Jesus stepped but for this moment I will be glad to just live in the why of where he stepped.

The truth is that God is all about reconciling people first to himself and then to each other, that is what the why in Jesus’ footsteps were all about, standing in the why, living in the why and building relationships in the why, makes the journey to the Promise land one of the greatest adventures in my life.

Living in the moment, trusting God with our future! If someone would have told me last week that I would be posting pictures of our family and friends gathering around my mother smiling along with her, I would not have believed it myself. However, since I am the one posting and since I am also one in the pictures as well, I am here to say once again that God shows up best right in the middle of my struggle and He shows up best right in the middle of my weakness.

It was less then two weeks ago when I had to call 911 because I thought we were going to loose my mom, she ended up in the hospital for a total of 7 days and upon release we had to have her placed in a rehabilitation facility. This is where the pictures are taken, just today as we gathered around for games and laughter with the family and our nearest and dearest friends, Steve and Donna.

I have been leaning on my faith and trusting in the fact that my past has God’s hand prints written all over it with it stating loud and clear, He works all things out, all! Therefore, as I have walked through some of the hardest conversations I have ever had in my life, I had to trust on what I knew rather then what I was feeling.

Today I celebrate the fact that our Hope is not found in things of this world but rather things not of this world. The smiles in the pictures are genuine and true and we are continuing to pray for mom’s speedy recover and so grateful to have her recovering so well.

Close your eyes and make a wish!

Close your eyes and make a wish, we all know the routine. It is hard for me to believe that I celebrated my 41st birthday today. I remember when I was younger being told that time would go by faster as I got older but this is crazy. It seems like only yesterday when I was sitting down in this exact spot, propped up in my big blue chair, computer in my lap ending my day and making fun of what other’s referred to as the big one, and wondering what 40 was really suppose to feel like.

Here I am a year later and a year older. I hope I can say a year wiser as well. I am coming to the end of a season in my life and preparing to enter into a new one. So, how did I celebrate this special day? How did I bring in my new year? How did I make the most of the one day I can call my own?

I wish I could say I spent it celebrating but the truth was I spent most of it preparing. It is only now, as I sit by myself at the end of this day that I can truly celebrate the woman I have become and reflect on the woman I use to be. I rejoice in the work my God has done and I have a little celebration right her with just me, myself and I.

There once was a time in my life where I would have wanted to actually throw myself a pity party and invite everyone who I could think of to attend. There was a time where my expectations were high for the experiences I had promoted only to come to the end of them in complete disappointment. Birthdays always seemed to be such a let down when I was younger.

However, I have learned over the years that celebrating my birthday cannot be all about me that kind of thinking always left me empty and disappointed. It cannot be all about who I am, but rather who I am with and why I am with them. Today was just that, who I was with actually said a lot about who I had become and that in turn became the most important part about my day.

This birthday was like no other birthday I had ever experienced. I had to do what was right even though my heart was breaking. I had to make a decision that would change the life of a loved one and that of my household. With my best foot forward and my faith in front of me, I moved forward in my decision.

Today I came to the very end of myself and once again found the beginning of my creator, the one who promises to show up best in my weakness. Something to celebrate in itself, He is right in the middle of my “no”. The best gift I received today was the gift that comes with being down the road of brokenness before and knowing that I will not be left alone, forsaken or forgotten even when I feel as if I already had.

As I prepare to shut down my communication companion and settle into the rest of my night, I briefly pause to celebrate what this last year has brought and what the next year will bring. I will forever remember how God chose this time and this place to rebuild and recover what had been lost for so long. I will celebrate the fact that I am able to do what is right even when it feels wrong, that I am able to make “no” a complete sentence and that I can and will trust God with my future while living in the very moment He has given me.

Happy Birthday To Me!