Greeting from The Front Porch!
The sound of John Denver rang in my ears as I watched my 16-year-old daughter walk away from me and into the mouth of the airplane. Though I knew she would be back again, it felt like I was letting her go forever. I know that I am one of millions of moms around this world who say goodbye for the summer to their child, but that did not make letting go any easier. I realized 16 years ago that for me to love her well, I would have to let her go.
She was brave, I was scared, she was ready to fly and I was ready to hold her down. It was a good thing that she walked fast, or I just might have chased after her and stopped her from the take off. The other passengers blended in with her and all I could see was her back until they all boarded the plane. I was left standing by myself wondering if I was about to melt into my loss of letting go.
In fact, I could almost hear her voice as if she was three again, calling me into the room to sing her a song before she went to sleep, “mommy, run along home.” She was now more of a woman and less of a child and it was time to start learning how to let go. I was determined to wait until take off before I left my seat, even if it meant I would be a sobbing mess in the middle of the terminal.
As a result of sticking around to watch the giant tin box take off into the sky, I became highly aware of the conflicting emotions I felt deep within my soul. Loss and gain, fear and courage, hope and despair, they all came flooding at me like a stormy night. How could it be that the time had finally come? When did my little girl grow up and when was it OK for me to let her go?
I simply had to embrace the conflict within me so that I could feel her future collide with my faith. The faith that spoke to me when I was a young mother, struggling with letting her cry herself to sleep. The faith that spoke to me when I walked her through her first steps, first tooth and first love. The faith that said, “love her enough to let her go.” The faith that said, “this will hurt your heart but you are not alone. Loving well means letting go.
Are you in a season of letting go so they can grow?
Well means doing something good. How do you choose to let go well?
Encouragement Step: Next time the loss is because its time to let go, remember for our children to grow they must go. Feel your emotions, give yourself permission to grief the loss and allow yourself to celebrate the next season.
I am praying for all my readers who are mamas out there who are in such a season as this. You are not alone.