Close your eyes and make a wish!

Close your eyes and make a wish, we all know the routine. It is hard for me to believe that I celebrated my 41st birthday today. I remember when I was younger being told that time would go by faster as I got older but this is crazy. It seems like only yesterday when I was sitting down in this exact spot, propped up in my big blue chair, computer in my lap ending my day and making fun of what other’s referred to as the big one, and wondering what 40 was really suppose to feel like.

Here I am a year later and a year older. I hope I can say a year wiser as well. I am coming to the end of a season in my life and preparing to enter into a new one. So, how did I celebrate this special day? How did I bring in my new year? How did I make the most of the one day I can call my own?

I wish I could say I spent it celebrating but the truth was I spent most of it preparing. It is only now, as I sit by myself at the end of this day that I can truly celebrate the woman I have become and reflect on the woman I use to be. I rejoice in the work my God has done and I have a little celebration right her with just me, myself and I.

There once was a time in my life where I would have wanted to actually throw myself a pity party and invite everyone who I could think of to attend. There was a time where my expectations were high for the experiences I had promoted only to come to the end of them in complete disappointment. Birthdays always seemed to be such a let down when I was younger.

However, I have learned over the years that celebrating my birthday cannot be all about me that kind of thinking always left me empty and disappointed. It cannot be all about who I am, but rather who I am with and why I am with them. Today was just that, who I was with actually said a lot about who I had become and that in turn became the most important part about my day.

This birthday was like no other birthday I had ever experienced. I had to do what was right even though my heart was breaking. I had to make a decision that would change the life of a loved one and that of my household. With my best foot forward and my faith in front of me, I moved forward in my decision.

Today I came to the very end of myself and once again found the beginning of my creator, the one who promises to show up best in my weakness. Something to celebrate in itself, He is right in the middle of my “no”. The best gift I received today was the gift that comes with being down the road of brokenness before and knowing that I will not be left alone, forsaken or forgotten even when I feel as if I already had.

As I prepare to shut down my communication companion and settle into the rest of my night, I briefly pause to celebrate what this last year has brought and what the next year will bring. I will forever remember how God chose this time and this place to rebuild and recover what had been lost for so long. I will celebrate the fact that I am able to do what is right even when it feels wrong, that I am able to make “no” a complete sentence and that I can and will trust God with my future while living in the very moment He has given me.

Happy Birthday To Me!


Deanna said...

Beautiful post! And Happy Birthday!!!

Jill said...

Great words Cris! I pray you will enjoy another similar celebration a year from now!! And I agree time keeps moving faster even though I said I'd never say that!!!

Anonymous said...

Excellently communicated! This is easily one of your best blogs ever. Seriously.
So glad you were born. Thank your mom for me when you see her next!