“Easier said then done,” those were the thoughts that rolled around in my head as I hit enter on the key pad of my computer. Live in the moment! Pressing into the pause! Embrace the now! Carefully chosen words were posted on my page to encourage others who came by to peak at and possibly pick up a few tools. As I encouraged those who have chosen life to now start living life, I realized that as I stepped away from my computer and back into my moment, that these words could stir up a little anxiousness in this battle cry when one is dealing with pain.
I use to live somewhere between yesterday and tomorrow before I learned how to live in the now. The problem with that was that yesterday was gone and tomorrow had not yet happened. Neither place was a reality, the past represented a prison of deception and tomorrow represented something I never thought I could actually reach.
I decided to step away from this post for the day and really chew on what living in the moment looks like for those who are suffering any form of pain. Low and behold and not surprisingly, I found the answer through my own experience. I have to say, even though it makes me tough as nails, I just love it when God shows up and gives me the answers I am looking for.
Last night felt like I had arrived in hell, my foot if not broken sure felt like it, the pain was so intense I could feel my heart beat running through every toe. On top of that, I ended the evening with one of the worst migraines I have ever experienced in over a year. I felt like I was going to die. Between icing my foot and icing my head, I could not find any relief. How to choose to live in the moment and why to choose to live in the moment was something that rang through my head as I was dealing with the pain.
As I sat on the top of my staircase. Tony and Sami fast asleep, Vito praying over me, all I could think was “why stay in the moment, it hurts so much God?” A few things came to my mind. First if I went to my past, I would blame myself and I would be filled with guilt and shame as if I had intentionally brought this kind of pain on to myself because that is what I did in my past. The ugly head of deception would try to overtake my moment if I was not very careful and intentional.
Then I thought about the future and what that would look like if I went there. If I focused on the future in my pain, I would go to a place of complete defeat and the feeling of worthlessness would take over. My future tells me my value comes from doing and how can I do anything when I am incapacitated, there appeared to be no purpose for me in my future with this pain? As I sat there cradling my head in my hands, feeling the pain and pondering my choices I decided to just be in the now, to live in the moment, swollen aching foot and a migraine to boot.
In that moment, I decided to praise God. I spoke out loud “I can do all things” “Be strong and Brave”, I thanked God for my healing and I chose to praise Him in the storm. As I sat on my stairs there was my son wearing Jesus well. He rubbed my back and commanded the pain to go away. He stood by my side, got me more ice for my pack and followed me around the house as I tried to find a comfortable place to lay my head and raise my foot. My 13-year-old boy was acting like a man, he reminded of his earthly father as well as his heavenly one.
Choosing to stay in the moment allowed me to experience the blessing of receiving from my child compassion, mercy and grace. Right smack in the middle of my pain came the most incredible vision of the man my boy is becoming. This morning the migraine is gone and I have committed to my family to keep off my foot. Living in the moment, living in the now, is where living life truly happens.
I celebrate the fact that many years ago I was encouraged and taught to write down my thoughts. I celebrate the fact that through the tools of journal writing and intentional thinking I am able to learn what living in the moment actually looks like. Writing down my thoughts, my experiences, my fears, failures and victories allows me to look back and remember where I have traveled, where I am now and where I am headed to.