Beauty Into My Brokenness

Greetings from The Front Porch!

Flowers are those little colorful beacons of the sun from which we get sunshine when dark, somber skies blanket our thoughts. ~Dodinsky

I never thought that flowers could mean so much and speak so loudly when given at just the right time for just the right reason. The smell of this particular bouquet made my nose want more as the sweet sent lingered in the open air of my front porch.

Have you ever heard a flower talk, a bouquet sing or a baby’s breathe call your name? As I held the gift of greenery in my hands, I could feel the cool stems of each of the flowers pressing into my fingers. Each flower looked like it was smiling at me as if to say “everything will be alright.” Each one whispering my name as if they had known me personally, their colors singing songs without words.

I was supposed to meet my friend in the later part of the morning; plans of shopping had been made the week before. However, the sadness that filled my heart that morning was something I just could not shake off and I found myself wanting to just cancel our trip and hide in my sorrow.

Thinking, “should I try to run from my feelings or be honest and share”. I took a chance and reached out through the wonderful world of technology and texted my dear friend a simple prayer request, “please pray for me, I am sad,” that was all I put.

At first, I was not even sure why I felt so blue and why I just couldn’t shake the feeling of the big black cloud looming over me. Typically, I could get up and move and it would get up and go but not this certain morning, it stayed uninvited as if it were a royal guest, demanding the best seats in the house.

As I pressed into my phone the word sad, I started to question if I should even send the text, “what will she think of me, I can’t be week.” I was now in a full-blown battle of the will trying to decide should I send it or delete it. A tug of war with my heart and my head. If I were advising a friend, I would say “send.”

Choosing to treat myself more like a friend and less like an enemy, I hit send and quickly tossed the phone on the couch and walked away, as if I had just texted something illegal. Part of me was hoping that she would not respond. What would I have done if she accused me of being weak and pathetic? Forgetting I was choosing to treat myself like a friend, I thought “you should be stronger and not allow your feelings to get in the way of your plans.”

This day was about me helping her not the other way around, yet, I felt inadequate as a friend, and I felt like I had nothing to offer her but a few tears and some still quiet moments on my front porch.

The green light started flashing on my phone; it was letting me know she had replied to my text. I kept looking at the blinking light as if I could make it stop with out picking it up and then I just grabbed it and started to read.

I immediately found a peace deep in my soul to the response that came through. She had turned the tables on me and with a beautiful invitation; she asked if we could just meet on the front porch and forgo the shopping until another time. She gave me the greatest gift of all and that was the gift of reversal, roles were changed and instead of her leaning on me for the day, I was now leaning on her.

She arrived on my Front Porch with the most amazing bouquet of flowers, roses, carnation, baby’s breath, daisies and wild flowers all in one arraignment; it brought me to tears as I felt her love and her compassion for my sorrow and grief.

We spent the next several hours sitting and sharing. 

1. She listened well.
2. She asked good questions.
3. She was intentional about the way she paused as we shared back and forth.

She was genuine in the way she cared for my sadness and by the time our afternoon ended my heart felt lighter and my sadness was replaced with joy.

The flowers reminded me that with death comes life and the lose as great as it has been with the passing of my mother I still have experienced life in relationships that have only now happened because of her passing.

Patricia my friend, way to wear HIM well, thank you for showing up on The Front Porch with Flowers that spoke to my heart and cradled my pain, you brought beauty into my brokenness and I am so grateful for our friendship.

Question: Do you have a memory of a time a friend entered your pain and held your hand as you walked through you’re lose? If so, please feel free to leave a comment below. I love hearing from you!



Jill Beran said...

Cris, I love this much truth in it and this line has hit me hard, "I decided to treat myself as a friend rather than the enemy." Wow, that is huge and something I rarely do...I need to do a little reversal of my own!! God has had me in a few different situations lately when I am so reminded of the need and importance of community!! We all need it so much, but rarely do we slow down, skip the shopping trip and just be together. If I had to guess I'm sure your friend was blessed by your time together as well!!!
By the way I saw a post on FB - are you working on a book??? That is amazing and wonderful!! Something God will use!! Keep pressing on, Jill

Cris Nole said...

You are always so encouraging, thank you my friend, what a gift you are. I am working on two books right now, I would appreciate your prayers if you wouldn’t mind. I have helped with many but these are solo projects. Thanks again for being you.