Sometimes I just feel the urge to kick people in the teeth when they ask stupid questions, can you relate? When they are coming at me from a jovial superficial place in the same moment that I am in a deep and contemplating place of working toward inner healing.
My reaction can come from a place of anxiety and depression, and thank God I have a good support system to help me walk through these feeling or guilt would be leading me by the nose.
A good friend shared with me that she feels like she could throw up on people’s shoes in certain moments when stupid things are said. Of course, she does not and would not say that to a person. Yet, we do have these feelings and emotions that rise up inside us. We do not call them out, they just appear. We are not guilty of doing anything wrong, well of course unless I kicked the teeth or she intentionally vomited to make a point.
However, don’t "good Christian girls" have better reactions. On the other hand, is our lens dirty and are our ears muffled with the sounds of a faulty belief system? Thoughts to think about and ponder.
Maybe it is time as my friend put it, to stop looking at everything through the lens of Christianity. Wow, that sounds almost sinful, yet freeing. The lens of Christianity as it exists in our modern world is without question a dirty lens.
The lens of Jesus should be more like it. Jesus would approve and appreciate our honesty in not hiding from ourselves who we are and in recognizing how we feel in a given moment, whatever that truth is.
I just love the fact that I can have this kind of conversation with my friend and sister in Christ. We share a similar path from our past to our present. We are able to talk openly and honestly about our struggles as well as our victories without judgment.
I promise you do not have to be afraid of me kicking you in the teeth or her vomiting on your shoes, well of course unless you are around her when she has the flu, but I am sure she would find her way to the john before letting your shoes become her barf bag.
Just know though that there are those of us out in the world who are working on healing and wholeness. We wish we had better internal reactions to the seemingly normal things of life that come our way, but that just may not be possible now. We are healing as we give ourselves permission to feel what we feel without judgment, as we learn who we are and why.
Be kind and gentle when you see what appears to be a blank stare in our eyes. I assure you it is anything but blank. We are thinking, processing and making sure our lens is more clean and clear so we can respond in an appropriate way.
And, if I do respond inappropriately, I ask for forgiveness now, as I know I am a work in progress. One day at a time, moment by moment I am figuring out that taking every thought captive means way more than what I have been taught.
Thank You For Letting Us Share.
Cristina and JT