It’s not fair! I wanted to throw myself on the floor as if I were two years old again and just heard no for the first time. I wanted to throw out all I knew to be true and just bathe myself in a pity party, a full blown adult tempter tantrum was just waiting to be released.
That is when I decided I would go for a walk and get out of my own head, me, myself and I don’t usually do well there when I feel like I have been mistreated. Key word, feel, I hadn’t been but everything in me wanted to own that feeling as if I had been treated unfairly.
I had this wonderful day planned out with a good friend that required me to be away from my home most of the day, she lives an hour away and we only get to see each other a couple times a year. I had been looking forward to this visit all week, the anticipation kept me pushing through the everyday tasks I had to accomplish and treated this visit like the prize at the end of my to do list.
Needless to say, I was more then disappointed when my 15 year old daughter woke up this morning with a migraine and in need of being taken care of. I have come to appreciate the fact that for my teenage daughter, feeling taken care of means just being present with her. I knew what had to be done but I felt like crying inside, so many feelings and emotions were running through my head.
First one was one of being a victim, "look what has happened to me" another was anger then frustration and then I was worried about what my friend would think as well as the dreaded phone call to the school and her coach. Can you see why I had to get out of my head? All at the same time, the spirit is gently reminding me that this is my choice, this is what living in the "yes" to His call looks like. It was at that moment that I checked on my daughter, grabbed a water bottle and put on my walking shoes. As I left the house the first thing I told myself was that this season of resting and being home to simply support and serve my family is a choice, one I intentionally and joyfully said yes to.
Of course, I didn't take into consideration the planned out pockets of time I had made for myself when I thought my kids would be in school and husband would be at work. As I started to walk through my feelings, I chose to pray aloud for all that I was grateful for during this season in my life. Thank God for technology, people passing by me probably thought I had a blue tooth hidden somewhere as I walked and talked. The first thing I thanked God for was my home, shelter for my sick child, fresh clean water to give her as she is healing and for the fact that I, not someone else is there for her in her time of need.
I started to pray for a good friend of my who is in the same season in life and just the thought of her brought me peace knowing that I am not walking this rode alone. I prayed for courage over her yes, for patients and perseverance as she pressed into being not just physically present but emotionally present to these young people God has entrusted her with and then prayed the same for me as well.
As I arrived back home, I thanked God for using my friend in a mighty way to help me stay in my “yes” and not act like a victim when in fact I am blessed beyond words to be able to be here for my family. I love how God has surrounded me with other women who have intentionally chosen to live in their “yes” as well, running the race is so much better when done together.