"Life was so much easier when rubber duckies made her smile more then half grown men." I know that victory is birthed out of adversity and faith out of the struggle but my mamma heart hurt when my baby girl’s heart is breaking.
She sat in front of me, tears rolling down her face, a whopping 16 years under her belt and all I wanted to do was lock her up. It was not one thing in particular that had caused me to want to throw away the key. Rather an accumulation of miscommunication between her and the half-grown man she had started to give her heart away to.
I knew in that moment that she did not need another lesson from her mama, I was learning to listen more and talk less. She needed a shoulder more then advice.
I watched as my daughter shared her heart openly with me, trusting me with her struggle and her pain. I bit my tongue so hard; I thought that at any moment I just might taste blood. Everything in me wanted to tell her what to do and how to do it.
Knowing from my own experiences, she did not need that kind of response. She needed space to share and silence to follow the leading inside of her own soul.
I have spent the last several years praying for this process, letting go so she can grow. I have not always been very good at releasing her when she needed it the most. This day was no different; I crossed the line and gave some advice.
What impressed me the most about her response to my actions were the way she respectfully came to me afterwards and said, “Mom I just needed you to listen to me.” Ouch, that hurt, I knew I had overstepped the line of listening and I immediately asked for forgiveness.
Of course, she was quick to forgive and forget and once again allowed me into her pain and her struggle. She is learning to navigate through the teen years. She is trying to learn how to communicate without relying on electricity, texting or Facebook. This does not fly in the face of most teenagers today but she is doing her best to realize the importance of true communication.
As the day came to an end all I could think about was how much simpler life was, when rubber duckies made he smile more then half grown men.
Train a child in the way she should go
and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Please help me to be a better listener. I want to rely more on you then on my emotions. I trust the process of letting go; I turn to you today to seek strength, and guidance knowing that you will lead them like you led me.