What is it about a traumatic event that makes the mind stand still? What is it about trauma that causes the body to want to shut down, hide out and stop living?
Those are just a few of the emotions I have experienced over the last several weeks. Though a physical death was not something I actually experienced my heart felt otherwise.
The spirit of familiarity came knocking on my door and awakened the events of my past, which collided with the experience of the present. Every traumatic event I had ever been through was thrown before me with it bringing the gift of feelings and emotions that seemed to need my breath to stay alive.
The experience of the present that I am referring to was the near death experience I encountered with my son and daughter on April 9, just three weeks ago. I am only now able to sit down and actually write about it with out feeling like the experience owns me.
I have had to learn to be gentle with myself, like I would with anyone else who had walked through such an event. I have had to reach out to others when all I wanted to do was hide. I had to admit to someone else that I had slipped into a pit of depression and could not get out. I had to put my pride aside and allow someone else in so I could get out.