One gold coin placed in my hand, the Roman numeral 7 with the word years were engraved on the front and my grace is enough for you was engraved on the back. I wrapped my fingers around the token and I said a silent prayer of thanksgiving to the one who paid the price to set me free.
Last night I received my recovery coin, seven years of walking through the process of recovering what was lost, stolen or given away, through my habits, hurts and hang-ups.
I remember sitting on the old worn out couch in what we called the living room of my recovery home, participating in my very first recovering meeting. I had one day clean and the thought of seven days with out popping a pill, piercing my skin or puking my meal seemed like an eternity.
I remember the first time we had to go around the room, state our name our drug of choice and our days being clean and sober. I was overwhelmed with guilt and shame wondering how I ever got to this place in my life.
Today I turn around and I get the honor and pleasure of looking back and seeing the amazing journey I have been alowed to travel on. I know I am a product of all those who have gone before me and for all those who have supported me.
I understand today that it was never about popping a pill, puking a meal or piercing my flesh but rather about breaking free from my past so that I could live in the present while trusting in a God who had a hope for my future.
It was not until recently that I realized how quiet my mind had become and how still my soul could be. I was out for a walk and decided to leave my music behind and there was such a powerful peace in the silence of my mind and the stillness of my spirit, it was in that moment that I was able to grasp the benefit of coming through complete brokenness and receiving profound and complete healing.
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.