Navigating Through The Teen Years!
1. Listen well.
2. Ask good.
3. Pause often.
4. Start all over.
My daughter arrived home from school, plopped herself down on her usual spot and took on that usual look of “I need to talk to you.” Without saying any words the look in my eyes told her I was ready to listen, to give her my full attention. She opened her mouth and began to share about her day, her time on campus, in the class room and among her peers. She finished sharing as quickly as she began and in her silence I knew she was waiting for me to ask good. This is what I call being intentional with all I say, especially when it come to my questions.
I spoke up and my ask good was this, “do you need me to just listen or would you like my input?” and then I just paused and started to listen well all over again. In my pause she looked at me with a twinkle in her eyes and a smile on her face, her way of saying thank you for actively listening to me through her expression.
She continued to share and wanted my thoughts, we were engaged in an open dialogue that added to our relationship. I have learned that my pauses do not mean I agree with what she is saying but they do mean that I value her voice and the trust she has to share with me whatever it might be. The conversation ended well with her thinking about some choices she will have to make in the near future. I walked away from the conversation impressed at the way she has learned to communicate well.
The break down in relationships, any kind but especially that of teens and parents comes when there is lack of communication or miscommunication. If our children are in the learning years, then it is our job to teach them well, they were not born to communicate it comes with training, teaching and many hours of listening on the side of the parent.
If there is anything I am learning as I navigate through these years is that my parenting has become 95% listening and 5% speaking. I have learned that the most important part of the conversation has been the pause I intentionally take, it is there where I earn the trust of my children to speak into the situation.
If you are preparing to parent a teen or are in the middle of these wonderful years, please be encouraged to Listen well, Ask good, Pause often and Start over again. This will allow you to become actively involved in a positive way in your teens life while connecting with them through open conversation. It is amazing what our children are willing to tell us when we are willing to listen.
YES!
It’s not fair! I wanted to throw myself on the floor as if I were two years old again and just heard no for the first time. I wanted to throw out all I knew to be true and just bathe myself in a pity party, a full blown adult tempter tantrum was just waiting to be released.
That is when I decided I would go for a walk and get out of my own head, me, myself and I don’t usually do well there when I feel like I have been mistreated. Key word, feel, I hadn’t been but everything in me wanted to own that feeling as if I had been treated unfairly.
I had this wonderful day planned out with a good friend that required me to be away from my home most of the day, she lives an hour away and we only get to see each other a couple times a year. I had been looking forward to this visit all week, the anticipation kept me pushing through the everyday tasks I had to accomplish and treated this visit like the prize at the end of my to do list.
Needless to say, I was more then disappointed when my 15 year old daughter woke up this morning with a migraine and in need of being taken care of. I have come to appreciate the fact that for my teenage daughter, feeling taken care of means just being present with her. I knew what had to be done but I felt like crying inside, so many feelings and emotions were running through my head.
First one was one of being a victim, "look what has happened to me" another was anger then frustration and then I was worried about what my friend would think as well as the dreaded phone call to the school and her coach. Can you see why I had to get out of my head? All at the same time, the spirit is gently reminding me that this is my choice, this is what living in the "yes" to His call looks like. It was at that moment that I checked on my daughter, grabbed a water bottle and put on my walking shoes. As I left the house the first thing I told myself was that this season of resting and being home to simply support and serve my family is a choice, one I intentionally and joyfully said yes to.
Of course, I didn't take into consideration the planned out pockets of time I had made for myself when I thought my kids would be in school and husband would be at work. As I started to walk through my feelings, I chose to pray aloud for all that I was grateful for during this season in my life. Thank God for technology, people passing by me probably thought I had a blue tooth hidden somewhere as I walked and talked. The first thing I thanked God for was my home, shelter for my sick child, fresh clean water to give her as she is healing and for the fact that I, not someone else is there for her in her time of need.
I started to pray for a good friend of my who is in the same season in life and just the thought of her brought me peace knowing that I am not walking this rode alone. I prayed for courage over her yes, for patients and perseverance as she pressed into being not just physically present but emotionally present to these young people God has entrusted her with and then prayed the same for me as well.
As I arrived back home, I thanked God for using my friend in a mighty way to help me stay in my “yes” and not act like a victim when in fact I am blessed beyond words to be able to be here for my family. I love how God has surrounded me with other women who have intentionally chosen to live in their “yes” as well, running the race is so much better when done together.
That is when I decided I would go for a walk and get out of my own head, me, myself and I don’t usually do well there when I feel like I have been mistreated. Key word, feel, I hadn’t been but everything in me wanted to own that feeling as if I had been treated unfairly.
I had this wonderful day planned out with a good friend that required me to be away from my home most of the day, she lives an hour away and we only get to see each other a couple times a year. I had been looking forward to this visit all week, the anticipation kept me pushing through the everyday tasks I had to accomplish and treated this visit like the prize at the end of my to do list.
Needless to say, I was more then disappointed when my 15 year old daughter woke up this morning with a migraine and in need of being taken care of. I have come to appreciate the fact that for my teenage daughter, feeling taken care of means just being present with her. I knew what had to be done but I felt like crying inside, so many feelings and emotions were running through my head.
First one was one of being a victim, "look what has happened to me" another was anger then frustration and then I was worried about what my friend would think as well as the dreaded phone call to the school and her coach. Can you see why I had to get out of my head? All at the same time, the spirit is gently reminding me that this is my choice, this is what living in the "yes" to His call looks like. It was at that moment that I checked on my daughter, grabbed a water bottle and put on my walking shoes. As I left the house the first thing I told myself was that this season of resting and being home to simply support and serve my family is a choice, one I intentionally and joyfully said yes to.
Of course, I didn't take into consideration the planned out pockets of time I had made for myself when I thought my kids would be in school and husband would be at work. As I started to walk through my feelings, I chose to pray aloud for all that I was grateful for during this season in my life. Thank God for technology, people passing by me probably thought I had a blue tooth hidden somewhere as I walked and talked. The first thing I thanked God for was my home, shelter for my sick child, fresh clean water to give her as she is healing and for the fact that I, not someone else is there for her in her time of need.
I started to pray for a good friend of my who is in the same season in life and just the thought of her brought me peace knowing that I am not walking this rode alone. I prayed for courage over her yes, for patients and perseverance as she pressed into being not just physically present but emotionally present to these young people God has entrusted her with and then prayed the same for me as well.
As I arrived back home, I thanked God for using my friend in a mighty way to help me stay in my “yes” and not act like a victim when in fact I am blessed beyond words to be able to be here for my family. I love how God has surrounded me with other women who have intentionally chosen to live in their “yes” as well, running the race is so much better when done together.
Embracing the call!
We are on the second week back to school. One in Jr. and another in High School not to mention preparing for a wedding for our oldest. This is a new season for us as a family. I am embracing the call of being home and being present for my children when they walk through the front door as well as my husband. How do I do that? I have to say no too many things right now and yes to the most important things and that is Tony, Amanda, Sami and Vito as well as my extended family. I have spent the last several years serving and traveling and it was good, many God moments in the journey but when He calls me to stay, I must listen and listen well.
The benefit of obedience is the wonderful world of communication I see happening between my teens as they come home every afternoon prepared to answer the question “what was the best thing that happened to you today?” Sometimes there is just silence, which I have learned to be OK with but other times my daughter Sami who is almost 15 can go on for 45 min. straight without taking a breath. Well maybe a few inhales of oxygen but she can talk, she can share and I love hearing how her day unfolded and how she is choosing to live her life on and off campus.
With this shared, I must get downstairs and into my kitchen, the pots and pans are calling my name. My prayer is that I will continue to see this season as a blessing, what a gift it is to be able to be home with my family and available to them.
Cris
The benefit of obedience is the wonderful world of communication I see happening between my teens as they come home every afternoon prepared to answer the question “what was the best thing that happened to you today?” Sometimes there is just silence, which I have learned to be OK with but other times my daughter Sami who is almost 15 can go on for 45 min. straight without taking a breath. Well maybe a few inhales of oxygen but she can talk, she can share and I love hearing how her day unfolded and how she is choosing to live her life on and off campus.
With this shared, I must get downstairs and into my kitchen, the pots and pans are calling my name. My prayer is that I will continue to see this season as a blessing, what a gift it is to be able to be home with my family and available to them.
Cris
"Living Life"
"Life is not a race - but indeed a journey. Be honest. Work hard. Be choosy. Say 'thank you', 'I love you' and 'great job' to someone each day. Go to church, take time for prayer. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh. Let your handshake mean more than pen and paper. Love your life and what you've been given, it is not accidental - search for your purpose and do it as best you can. Dreaming does matter. It allows you to become that which you aspire to be. Laugh often. Appreciate the little things in life and enjoy them. Some of the best things really are free. Do not worry, less wrinkles are more becoming. Forgive, it frees the soul. Take time for yourself - plan for longevity. Recognize the special people you've been blessed to know. Live for today, enjoy the moment."
Bonnie Mohr
"Easier Said Then Done"
“Easier said then done,” those were the thoughts that rolled around in my head as I hit enter on the key pad of my computer. Live in the moment! Pressing into the pause! Embrace the now! Carefully chosen words were posted on my page to encourage others who came by to peak at and possibly pick up a few tools. As I encouraged those who have chosen life to now start living life, I realized that as I stepped away from my computer and back into my moment, that these words could stir up a little anxiousness in this battle cry when one is dealing with pain. I use to live somewhere between yesterday and tomorrow before I learned how to live in the now. The problem with that was that yesterday was gone and tomorrow had not yet happened. Neither place was a reality, the past represented a prison of deception and tomorrow represented something I never thought I could actually reach.
I decided to step away from this post for the day and really chew on what living in the moment looks like for those who are suffering any form of pain. Low and behold and not surprisingly, I found the answer through my own experience. I have to say, even though it makes me tough as nails, I just love it when God shows up and gives me the answers I am looking for.
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Journal entry:
Monday June 28, 2010
Last night felt like I had arrived in hell, my foot if not broken sure felt like it, the pain was so intense I could feel my heart beat running through every toe. On top of that, I ended the evening with one of the worst migraines I have ever experienced in over a year. I felt like I was going to die. Between icing my foot and icing my head, I could not find any relief. How to choose to live in the moment and why to choose to live in the moment was something that rang through my head as I was dealing with the pain.
As I sat on the top of my staircase. Tony and Sami fast asleep, Vito praying over me, all I could think was “why stay in the moment, it hurts so much God?” A few things came to my mind. First if I went to my past, I would blame myself and I would be filled with guilt and shame as if I had intentionally brought this kind of pain on to myself because that is what I did in my past. The ugly head of deception would try to overtake my moment if I was not very careful and intentional.
Then I thought about the future and what that would look like if I went there. If I focused on the future in my pain, I would go to a place of complete defeat and the feeling of worthlessness would take over. My future tells me my value comes from doing and how can I do anything when I am incapacitated, there appeared to be no purpose for me in my future with this pain? As I sat there cradling my head in my hands, feeling the pain and pondering my choices I decided to just be in the now, to live in the moment, swollen aching foot and a migraine to boot.
In that moment, I decided to praise God. I spoke out loud “I can do all things” “Be strong and Brave”, I thanked God for my healing and I chose to praise Him in the storm. As I sat on my stairs there was my son wearing Jesus well. He rubbed my back and commanded the pain to go away. He stood by my side, got me more ice for my pack and followed me around the house as I tried to find a comfortable place to lay my head and raise my foot. My 13-year-old boy was acting like a man, he reminded of his earthly father as well as his heavenly one.
Choosing to stay in the moment allowed me to experience the blessing of receiving from my child compassion, mercy and grace. Right smack in the middle of my pain came the most incredible vision of the man my boy is becoming. This morning the migraine is gone and I have committed to my family to keep off my foot. Living in the moment, living in the now, is where living life truly happens.
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I celebrate the fact that many years ago I was encouraged and taught to write down my thoughts. I celebrate the fact that through the tools of journal writing and intentional thinking I am able to learn what living in the moment actually looks like. Writing down my thoughts, my experiences, my fears, failures and victories allows me to look back and remember where I have traveled, where I am now and where I am headed to.
Cris Nole
“Living In The Moment”
Choosing Life
Living Life
Celebrating Life
________________________________________________________________________
I celebrate the fact that many years ago I was encouraged and taught to write down my thoughts. I celebrate the fact that through the tools of journal writing and intentional thinking I am able to learn what living in the moment actually looks like. Writing down my thoughts, my experiences, my fears, failures and victories allows me to look back and remember where I have traveled, where I am now and where I am headed to.
Cris Nole
“Living In The Moment”
Choosing Life
Living Life
Celebrating Life
Welcome To The Change!
As I step out of one season and into another, I decided to let the season flow over into my blog as well. I love how God comes along and gently allows certain doors to shut and giant chapters to come to an end. I have spent the last several years drawing closer to my creator through the wonderful world of running and all of a sudden, that running has come to a stop. Once again, I have to stand back and revaluate my life, my race and my purpose. For the longest time I thought it was all about the race but most recently I have come to realize that it is more about the journey and in the training of the race.
I learned to live in the moment and trust God with my future. I had a hunger and a desire to be like the turtle, living my life at a slow and study pace. My motto for years now has been just that, "be the turtle", until recently when I was visiting my favorite little town in the world, Auburn, with a good friend of mine. I usually am just a window shopper on my Friday jaunts up the hill but not this day, there was a piece of artwork that had been made just for me. Sitting on the shelf in one of the corner shops was the most amazing little porcelain statue of a turtle working its way out of its shell. It was as if I could hear the thing come to life, saying, "Becoming the turtle", what a defining moment of my race. All these years I thought it was just "be the turtle" how wrong was I; it was about becoming the turtle. I had to chuckle as I picked the little piece up and made my way to the front counter to purchase myself a gift.
It was that moment and that day that solidified the direction of my race, from being to becoming, from the race to the journey. What had brought me up to Auburn that day had been the process of years in the making of becoming the turtle, a time of pulling away and a time of just resting as the week comes to an end. It has been in the journey of finding my Auburn that I have learned to live in the moment, taking in every wonderful breath that God has given me and in so have found a heart to help others do the same.
I have a passion for helping teach, train and provide tools for those who have chosen to live life intentionally, for those who want to press into the pause and celebrate the very moment they decided to embrace, which I like to call, “living in the now”. Those of us who have been called to follow Christ, know that we have also been told to choose life, don’t worry about tomorrow and rejoice in the Lord always. These three actions take practice, they take perseverance and they take endurance, which is why I think for so many years I could relate to the physical part of running my race to the spiritual side of my life.
Wow, can you imagine what your life would like if you decided that today would be the day, not someday, but today would be the day that you chose to live the life that God has called you to live. Imagine you opening your calendar and placing the words “choose life” on Thursday June 26, 2010. This would be a day to celebrate!
How do you live the life you have now just chosen? You make an active decision to be involved in the ministry of the moment, which is where living life really happens. It is focusing on what is going on in your own life as well as the life of others around you and allowing God to take care of the rest. It is about actively sitting still and becoming aware of who you are and what you are in the very moment you have been given.
I learned to live in the moment and trust God with my future. I had a hunger and a desire to be like the turtle, living my life at a slow and study pace. My motto for years now has been just that, "be the turtle", until recently when I was visiting my favorite little town in the world, Auburn, with a good friend of mine. I usually am just a window shopper on my Friday jaunts up the hill but not this day, there was a piece of artwork that had been made just for me. Sitting on the shelf in one of the corner shops was the most amazing little porcelain statue of a turtle working its way out of its shell. It was as if I could hear the thing come to life, saying, "Becoming the turtle", what a defining moment of my race. All these years I thought it was just "be the turtle" how wrong was I; it was about becoming the turtle. I had to chuckle as I picked the little piece up and made my way to the front counter to purchase myself a gift.
It was that moment and that day that solidified the direction of my race, from being to becoming, from the race to the journey. What had brought me up to Auburn that day had been the process of years in the making of becoming the turtle, a time of pulling away and a time of just resting as the week comes to an end. It has been in the journey of finding my Auburn that I have learned to live in the moment, taking in every wonderful breath that God has given me and in so have found a heart to help others do the same.
I have a passion for helping teach, train and provide tools for those who have chosen to live life intentionally, for those who want to press into the pause and celebrate the very moment they decided to embrace, which I like to call, “living in the now”. Those of us who have been called to follow Christ, know that we have also been told to choose life, don’t worry about tomorrow and rejoice in the Lord always. These three actions take practice, they take perseverance and they take endurance, which is why I think for so many years I could relate to the physical part of running my race to the spiritual side of my life.
Wow, can you imagine what your life would like if you decided that today would be the day, not someday, but today would be the day that you chose to live the life that God has called you to live. Imagine you opening your calendar and placing the words “choose life” on Thursday June 26, 2010. This would be a day to celebrate!
How do you live the life you have now just chosen? You make an active decision to be involved in the ministry of the moment, which is where living life really happens. It is focusing on what is going on in your own life as well as the life of others around you and allowing God to take care of the rest. It is about actively sitting still and becoming aware of who you are and what you are in the very moment you have been given.
Under Construction!!!!!!!!!!Friends, as you can see, my blog is undergoing a few changes. Please be patient with me as I focus on His Face and try to become as purposeful and intentional about my posts.
Thank you all for your love and support over the last several years, cheering me on as I ran my race.
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