Dear Mom...

Happy Mother's day, I miss you.  It is hard to believe you have been gone four years now.  Every year I think it might be a little bit easier.  

Boy have I been wrong.  Next year I am going to forget the notion and just admit defeat and grieve the fact that you are no longer just down the hall or a phone call away.  My brain knows the truth but my heart still longs to pretend that day never happened, the day we said goodbye. 

I realized a profound truth today in my own celebrating.  So many times, I thought your silence was rejection, disappointment or lack of love.  Now, all these years later I realized your silence meant you loved me enough to hold back what you knew to be true.  

You knew the only way for me to learn was letting me fall down so I could get back up.  

Mom, if you were here today to celebrate I would sit with you and ask you to share while I took notes.  I would shed tears for all those times you were silent because today I now understand what that silence meant. 

I would ask you questions until I had no more questions to ask and then I would take your hands in mine and look you in the eyes and I would say with all the love I could bring forth, “I LOVE YOU!”

I miss you mom and not a day goes by that I do not think about you.

Cristina Dolores

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